Sunday, 25 October 2020

I Interviews

Interview: Frank Mazzapica

Would you give up your dirty little secret in exchange for wholeness? Author Frank Mazzapica-aka Pastor Mazz-wants readers to know that on the other side of the destructive behaviors that some will choose to live with, can be lasting change. In his book, The Unsupervised Woman, Mazzapica pulls away the dark veil of secrecy that has been keeping the reader from (experiencing) joy in their lives and the lives of friends and loved ones.

Lest readers believe, as the title implies, that the book accuses women of getting into trouble unless they are supervised, they will miss the message completely. The author takes great pains to avoid offending his female audience, and in fact, in his words, It’s actually the exact opposite.

MN- We come from the side part of the country. I’m Detroit and you’re from Brooklyn, right?

FM- Yes!

MN- See? Kindred spirits already. (laughing) Let’s see. You’ve been a minister for 35 years, public school teacher, Professor of Psychology, licensed marriage and family counselor, and then you ran for House of Representatives-Texas District 29, former Boy Scout leader, served in the Air Force...

FM- I did 10 years...non commissioned officer.

MN- You have quite an impressive resume. We are going to be talking about your recent book, The Unsupervised Woman, but it is not your only book, right?

FM- No, it is the 5th book, but this one does have a companion book, The Unsupervised Man, that addresses a lot of the same issues. The Unsupervised Woman is not really titled in a way that you would understand what the book is about. It’s not about an overbearing husband trying to control a woman. It’s actually the exact opposite. It’s about a woman who has best friends in her life, a spiritual mom or a biological mother but most important is that she has a social group that makes up all the women in her life. If she gets off line or wonders off, her friends, her bff’s will come to the rescue and that is how I believe she is supervised.

MN- So, you are not threatened by your wife’s companionship with her friends?

FM- Not at all. I encourage it because I believe that women-well, it’s really a statistic. They did research and women get physically sick when they are kept from their friends. Women are psychologically impaired-it sounds terrible but it’s not to an extreme where you can’t function. Women’s careers are affected, their personality is affected, social habits are affected when they don’t have close female friendships. My wife for instance is extremely needy for female relationships and I encourage it because she comes home all excited about life because she has her friends.

MN- You totally get women and I think that’s amazing for a guy because a lot of times, men have a hard time understanding and forming that emotional bond with a woman. Yet, you understand and you are almost a woman’s advocate. In the book you say, Hey, I get you and it’s ok’.

FM- I see 258 families a year on average, so that really gives me a basis of being able to write a book about women.  Ninety-eight percent of who therapists see are normally females because men by and large do not like counseling.  It’s just because it’s innate with them; they do not like to ask for directions. I see the common denominator and usually the problems can be remedied with a great social network. I thought, hey, why don’t we put a book out and let them read it and maybe save a lot of people a lot of time-and a lot of money in some cases.

MN-One of my favorite chapters is on bad boys and how women are attracted to them and I know that will resonate with readers everywhere. Lay out for us what you have figured out and what you have learned about women and why we are attracted to the wrong men, the bad boys.

FM- Research has shown that when women look at a bad boy, they see someone that can fight. They see someone that cannot be messed with. They find safety in this. Also, believe it or not, they find their father in a bad boy. It’s never really a good picture to date the bad boy because when you date the bad boy, it’s not fun anymore. But then you find that you are employed in the relationship and you are trying to fix the man to make him not a bad boy anymore. And that will never happen.

MN- Women will get involved in the polar opposite of what they know is going to be good for us, and we know it, but we don’t understand why we do it. But once we do get that bad boy, it’s like all of sudden you realize you have a bad boy and you want him to change.

FM-(Bad boys) aren’t socially proper. He will speak ill of the wedding that she’s always wanted to have or he won’t want to put on the tuxedo. He’s not going to be good when he meets your daddy or your brothers...he is going to steal and rob a lot of wonderful things in your life. I’ve counseled so many women that are going to hook up with a bad boy and they think their life is going to be a lot of fun.

MN- We are chasing security in all the wrong places and then complain that there is no security there.

FM- That’s why when the father walks down the aisle and he hands over his daughter, the bride, to the groom, what he is really saying here is, I have taken care of her to this point, I expect youto take care of her until the day she dies but I want you to take care of her better than I took care of her. Give her what I could not give her. I have six children and when I hand over my daughter to a man, I am thinking in my head, If you don’t take care of my daughter, please bring her back, cause I can fix this in one minute.’

MN- You wrote, Would you give up your dirty little secret in exchange for wholeness? and that wowed me in one sentence.

FM- There is a chapter related to Christian women that steal. I deal with this a lot and it can be fixed. There is another chapter devoted to promiscuity and some women have up to 40 men in their life because they don’t know the difference between like and love.  If you could tell me the secret, I could give you the remedy. If you bring this out from closed doors and bring it to your friends or pastor, we can fix this. Other women marry a lot-one that I cite has been married 22 or 23 times and she’s looking for Mr. 24. I’m not throwing stones, I’m trying to help.

MN- Bottom line, what do you want women to take away from your book?

FM- I would like women to realize that for most of their frustration and depression, take a look at who you are hanging around with. Are they influential in a positive way? Do you have friends? Do you have someone to talk to? You can go to a psychiatrist and pay $100-$150 per session and what you really need is a lot of good friends. If you have that, then you have an understanding of my book. This is the answer. It is in the Bible. Whenever we get together as the body of Christ-take the woman is an index finger and you cut it off and place it over here separate from the body. What are you going to do? Put Prozac into it?  Why not just reconnect it to the body? That is what the book is about.

Author Bio- As a therapist, pastor, licensed counselor and university lecturer, Frank Mazzapica has assisted hundreds of men regain an open, transparent and rewarding life, free from the pain of secrets formed through lack of supervision and accountability. He is married and is the father of six grown children.

Visit RevMedia Publishing to order your copy of The Unsupervised Woman.

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