Thursday, 19 October 2017

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What Dating Sites Dont Tell You

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Five Warning Signs that You Might be Headed for a Dating Debacle

By Linda F. Williams


All relationships have a “honeymoon phase” where best-foot-forward and heady passion reign. But, rather than to dread or shun the inevitable post-honeymoon stage, we should embrace and leverage it.

Dynamic or Debacle?

This is where reality emerges, allowing for the opportunity to make empowering choices that make the difference between driving the car and being taken for a ride. It determines if the outcome will result in a healthy dynamic or a dating debacle.

Leverage It!

To leverage the revealing reality phase, keep your eyes and ears open and refuse to ignore evident warning signs. Remember, a person can only be as honest with others as they are with themselves. However, that knife cuts both ways. Therefore, job one in surviving the dating jungle is a healthy dose of honest self-reflection.

Recalibrate

If you constantly find yourself caught up in Groundhog Day drama (a pattern of choosing the wrong relationships), take some time to heal and readjust. Consider seeking professional counseling to uncover subconscious expectations that are often at the root of poor relationship choices.

Warning Signs

Next, draw boundaries with yourself based on what you have learned from past mistakes and Don’t Cross Them! Once you have done that homework, these are a few warning signs to heed in the reality phase of the dating relationship:

1. Gut Feeling: Never subjugate intuition to anything someone says. This warning sign is there for a reason. A little honest self-reflection will likely reveal that every time you ever ignored your intuition it led to disappointment. DO NOT DO IT!

2. The Dance Doesn’t Line Up with the Music: If the chin music (what they say) doesn’t line up with the dance (what they do), it’s not even worth further investigation – run for the hills. If there are contradictions in what he or she says compared to what they do; if something seems to be missing in what they are telling you about their background, family, job, or life in general; it is a warning sign not to be ignored.

3. The Magician: This person’s best trick is pulling a disappearing act. Unanswered phone calls, failure to show for scheduled dates, and sudden obligations that make them unavailable, are clear signs that something is awry. They will always be able to talk or apologize their way out of it; for a while at least. Unless that apology is backed up with evident change, the pattern will probably continue. Don’t walk. Run.

4. Blame-Game: Whenever someone’s conversation is peppered with criticism of others, discussion of past relationships end up in an all-their-fault conclusion, and multiple past failed relationships (or marriages) are part of their history; something is wrong. This is a sign that he or she is incapable of change because we have to know we have the problem to recognize we are the problem. It is a sign that they are stuck. Your being in their life is not likely to change them. At best, you will end up in their chain of blame for things not working out. Don’t be next in line. Move on.

5. Pressure Cooker: The one fail-proof test of relationship-destroying character flaws is to observe how they react under pressure. How well do they cope when things don’t go as they planned? If you observe a complete emotional breakdown, which can include emotional incapacitation, angry outbursts, or any childish responses, it is a sign of a deeper problem that began well before you came on the scene. Trust me. You cannot fix it. Move on.

Remember that self-awareness removes roadblocks to healthy and fulfilling relationships. Heeding this advice should result in making better choices. You are in control. Leverage it!

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Linda F. WilliamsLinda F. Williams, MSW CCLC CPLC is the founder of the Whose Apple Empowerment Center and creator of The Whose Apple Dynamic. She is a trained psychotherapist, behaviorist, Certified Professional Life Coach, motivational speaker, and author of Whose Apple is it, Anyway: Empowering Purpose to Achieve Your God-Ordained Destiny. A dynamic and engaging public speaker, Ms. Williams is available for conferences and keynote speaking engagements.

Website: http://www.whoseapple.org

Biography: http://www.whoseapple.org/#!author/c1enr

Press Kit: http://www.whoseapple.org/#!press-kit/czql


Linda F. Williams, MSW CCLC CPLC is a Certified Personal and Professional Life Coach, trained psychotherapist, behaviorist, relationship expert and motivational speaker. As founder of Whose Apple Dynamic Coaching Services, she is the creator of The Whose Apple Dynamic. Linda is the author of Whose Apple is it, Anyway: Empowering Purpose to Achieve Your God-Ordained Destiny and Too True to Tell (Why What We Don’t Say is Leading Us Down the Path of Stolen Vision).

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