Wednesday, 15 August 2018

F Fic, Non-fic

Words of Wit and Wisdom`

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By James D. Stone

wit and wisdom pic

HOW CLOSE IS TOO CLOSE?

           

A well-to-do man needed a chauffeur,

And four men applied for the job.

"Before I hire you, and make you an offer,

You must take a road test," said the nabob.

                                                      

He took each one out for the test with him,

Where there was a cliff sheer and wide.

He then asked, "How close can you come to the rim

Of that cliff, and not go over the side?"

The first man came about a yard away;

The second came less than two feet;

The third, dead set to be the victor that day,

Came within inches to avoid defeat.

The fourth man was asked, "How close will you be?

Certainly you must be inspired."

Said he, "Ten feet away is too close for me!"

Then said the employer, "My man, you're hired."

IT HURTS, TOO

When it comes to gossip,

Remember this truism:

Most people have an acute case

Of chronic Rumortism.

A WEIGHTY PUN

This may not be in the best of taste,

But obesity is a surplus gone to waist.

GETTING THINGS DONE

There are three ways to get things done:

     Do it yourself, or hire someone;

And the third way, as I construe it,

     Is forbid your kids never to do it.

YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE

A motorist ran two red lights.

A patrolman had him 'dead in his sights!'

He mounted his 'cycle and chased the man

           down.

And approached the culprit with an icy frown.

"Didn't you see those red lights you just

           ran through?"

"Yep," said the driver. "But I didn't see

          You."

AMBIGUOUS ARSON

The church house caught fire,

And here's the joke:

The fireman screamed

"Holy Smoke!"

HOW MUCH?

If we give what is superfluous,

And still have more than we need,

Can that be reckoned for us

As "charity indeed?"

HIGH YIELD

This is God's formula from above:

People grow better in sunshine and love.

And to love someone is always to show

Them new and challenging ways to grow

SUMMATION

As sins proceed, they multiply,

   And we should not feign to ignore it.

Like signs used in arithmetic,

     The last is more than all before it.

O! NO!

There's no sound anywhere so ominous by far,

As a low whistle from a mechanic beneath your car.

WILD OATS

Some people spend a lifetime

Drinking of a bitter cup,

Trying to live down a day

Once spent living it up.

Fueling Wholesome Entertainment

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